Do you deserve it?

There is a young lady that talks about her boyfriend often. She compares her relationship to her friend's relationship. Both young ladies get abused by their boyfriends, but they both brag about how one relationship is better than the other.

She often tells stories about some of her physical altercations between her and her boyfriend. She says that she is very sarcastic when she speaks to him and she knows that she is pushing his buttons. Then he slams her into a wall or puts his hands on her. At first I just listened, thinking maybe she needed to get a few things off of her chest so that I could give her some advice.

She went on to say talk about how her friend's relationship was worse than hers, because her friend's man beats her more and does so in front of their child. She talked about how her friend gets her hair pulled and the whole nine yards. I was appalled. I told her how it wasn't right that they did these things to them.

This young lady told me that she deserved the abuse that she suffered, because she was trying to push his buttons. She said she knew what she was doing. She also said that her friend really deserved what she got because she always annoys her man. That is when I knew that this young lady thought that this was normal. She was looking for attention. Even if it was negative attention.

I sat her down and we had a nice little chat about how much a woman is worth and why she and her friend both did not deserve such treatment.

Ladies, you DO NOT DESERVE TO BE BEAT ON! I don't care what you have said or done. If a man cannot walk away then he is not a man. You are worth more than that. You are queens and princess'.

What I have come to realize is, young girls, teenage girls, and young women think that this type of behavior is cute. They think that this shows love from the boyfriend. This is not love. If he does not mind you walking around with a black eye, he does not love you. If he would not want anyone hitting his mother or sisters, he should not put his hands on you.

You'll know when boy or man respects his mother, because, if you said one wrong thing about his mother he would say, "Don't talk about my mother. You talking about my mother?" He would get extremely defensive. If he puts his hands on you or puts you down, he has no respect for you. That is when you need enough respect for yourself to know that you need to get out quick.

Love yourself first. When you love yourself, you will not allow anyone to mistreat you. When you love something, you protect it from harm or danger. Anything you cherish, you do not want broken. Do not allow anyone to break your spirit, self esteem, or bones.

On that note....you don't deserve it, you deserve better.

Do you ever heal completely from child abuse executed by one or both of your parents?

Well, from personal experience, I don't know if I will ever heal completely. What I do know is , everyday is a healing process for me. For a long time I pushed, the hurt, pain, and memories behind me. I remembered many things, but when I got a little older and had to become a responsible adult, many things triggered my abuse or something from my abusive past.

I had just gotten out of the shelter and moved into my first apartment ever. I remember spending my first night there by myself. I had my son spend the night with my family because he missed them so much and didn't get to see them much while we were in the shelter. I was alone and had no entertainment to keep me occupied. I had not purchased a television and there was no telephone.

I had to get up early the next day for my first day at work. I laid down on a black leather couch that was given to me and stared at the walls so that I could try to get some sleep. I found my self imagining the markings on the wood panelled walls were different things. That is when my first trigger occured.

When I was younger in my parents home where the abuse took place, I used to do the same thing and for the same reason. My parents always sold our toys to support their crack addiction. They never let us watch the TV shows that children watch. It was always adult shows on television. My sisters and I would only have our fingers and our imagination to play with. my mother would also make us take at least four naps a day because she was tired. We would have to turn and face the walls while trying to fall asleep.

Well, I would stare at those walls when bored or taking naps. They looked exactly like the walls in my new apartment. I used to imagine the markings on the walls to be many different things. They would be people, places, and things.

This was only the first of my many triggers. I guess it was because it was time for me to be independent and when becoming independent, you are forced to look long and hard at yourself. You can either decide to face these triggers and heal from them so that you may be able to grow or use them as an excuse to be your down fall. I chose and still am choosing to heal from them.

I know there are more deep seeded emotions that I will constantly have to face and recover from. This in turn will affect the way I respond to different situations. I guess if I had dealt with the situations sooner, then I would have probably been further into the healing process.

In my opinion, if one was to completely heal from child abuse executed by his or her parents, it would depend on two factors. It would depend on whether or not the individual had some type of therapy ( professional or not) or on their ability to forgive.

What is your opinion or fact?